A purposeful parenting style utilizes a direct, non-reactive, and goal driven approach to achieving healthy milestones in childhood development. Using this approach will lead to an increase in consistency in parenting and interactions with the child, which facilitates healthy relationships and effective communication.
The basic steps of purposeful parenting can be summarized as follows:
- First, the parent identifies values that s/he desires for the child to possess.
- Then, the parent sets goals and expectations for the child’s behavior that
are in service to the values. The parent also needs to identify his or her own
emotional reactions and triggers, so as not to respond to the child from
reactive emotions, but rather to use communication and structure that is
purposeful to achieve goals. For
example, rather than telling the child what to do in a given situation, the
parent would ask the child to identify possible behaviors and decide how the
child wants to respond to the situation.
This type of approach strengthens problem-solving abilities and leads to
greater independence in the child.
I think this model really allows parents to take a step back from the cognitive and really focus on the metacognitive aspects of parenting. Usually reflection doesn't come until AFTER issues arise or an event occurs, but this type of proactive approach has some real merit to it and helps parents be a bit more deleiberate about engaging their child in co-constructing the values and lessons that will shape his or her life.
ReplyDeleteWhen I think of "purposeful parenting," it reminds me of values transferred from my own parents. My parents' style was direct and goal driven. As educators they had the script on healthy developmental milestones: giving love unconditionally, building self efficacy through goal setting and a commitment to celebrate accomplishments with special moments. My parents were the ones who came to everything, sat in the front and clapped loudly, occasionally irritating other parents by their enthusiasm.
ReplyDeleteAs my own children face adolescence, I realize I wasted valuable time barking up diseased trees by nagging so much. I had the desire to embrace the philosophy of unconditional love, yet I was reluctant to embrace their fashion decisions and bodily adornments (most recently, a tattoo). The truth is, I am learning that I can embrace the child (who turns 19 soon) without necessarily embracing the tattoo. I have set goals and expectations and preached about these expectations for over a decade. It's time to see what sticks. I am learning to trust the foundation I put down years ago. In the end, parents are stewards, and we have so much influence for a season. Then our children move on to embrace their own goals and dreams.
In closing, I also learned that identity as a parent is NOT at stake here. While it is in my DNA to value safety and security, I have to be careful about allowing my fears to strangle my children. So I watch, worry, wait and PRAY, but we will not stifle them with my drama. We both benefit by expressing more positive affirmations of goals and dreams. This blog strengthened my resolve to create more intentional memories and more celebrations of achievement - both small and ordinary. Discipline has its place; yet a teachable moment is a more powerful leverage than to being "right." Purposeful parenting leads to a healthy and nurturing environment that is less toxic and more peaceful for everyone. Thanks!